Saturday was a long day. A great day, as I got to see both of my chicks, but a long one.
My man and I are feeling our age. We're getting old. The most we said to each other on the way home was,
"it's your turn to drive."
"No, I can't see that good at night."
"Too bad, suck it up. You're driving."
We're all peace and love, flowers and butterflies around here. The usual. It's just how we roll.
We're just too old and tired to even really have a good fight. Tonight.
Tomorrow, watch out, we are coming back with a bang! But tonight, we're down for the count.

I awake on Sunday after a much needed long, super-enhanced service with Pillowtop Pentacostal, (totally amazing service, I must say!)...to a text that I had missed while I was in my coma church service.)
The first thing I notice is the time the text came in...’cause I'm a mom...and for some reason the mom trait amps up a few notches when you get that late night text or call. Something intuitive kicks in to your feeble mom brain and says..."Yo, the time. What time was it?! You need to know the time!!"
< Side note to future moms: timing is everything, and after years of teenage drama, this mama has learned the trick is when and where they say they are, were, & will be.
But this never happened to me. I only read about it and counseled others on rebellious teens. My girls never EVER tried to pull a fast one on me. Ever. Yeah, I'm lying. Go ahead, Judge me- but remember: your day is coming. Watch your back people, watch your back!>
So back to the text...that came in at freakin 3:04 a.m.
Really? Does this never end?!
I'm all instant diarrhea and freak out because that's become my go to action and emotion in times of crisis,happiness,anger...well, pretty much any emotion really. <I warn you: your day will come.>
The picture that follows the text is so gross, I won't post it...but it's captioned: "Mommy, this just happened!!!"
She's smiling in the photo. She is #2. She is totally responsible. Yet, she is sending me a picture of a bloody mess on her leg at 3:04 am.
(As of this moment, she is down to receiving only 2 gifts at Christmas, and those are totally up for grabs at this point.)

Me (9:17am): omigosh, what happened?! How?! You need to get hydrogen peroxide on that immediately. Then polysporin... (cause I'm freaking out over here and I was with you til 10 last night, Seriously, what-the-heck?)
#2 at (9:50 am): I fell out of a tree and hit a chair on the way down. So horrible. It's bad.
Me: can we face time?
#2: no, I'm late and need to get ready for church.

I feel it’s important to once again note the time. A 33 minute delay in her response...cause why? Well, she's sleeping of course! After all she’s tired. The crisis has passed and she's all, “leave me alone while I get my beauty rest.”

While I’m over here all diarrhea and stress.

And really moms, like how do you reply to that text? Here are a few thoughts that may or may not have run through my mind:

"Cut the crap, call me STAT!" see...this feels too harsh!?, I mean, I don't want to be that crazy, freaky, mom… I'm trying to bring my image of normal/calm/cool mom back.

 

So maybe I go with:

"Don't even bring God into this...I need answers, explanations, and Immodium AD."

Its just too over the top! And I just hate to name drop in a crisis, it seems so braggish...even though I feel like God would totally have had my back on this one.

I end up saying "Uhm, okay, please call me/face time me after church. I'm  super worried."...(like, for your ever-loving life child!)

So, at 7:42 pm... SEVEN FORTY TWO P.M….help me here. That aint even right...
I get this:
"Still bleeding, but better."

Oh, okay. Good. Cause you know I've been over here all smiles and calm, cause I'm a cool mom...not a regular mom...ya know just trying to improve my image and all. (and having massive internal stomach pains and on-demand diarrhea, oh, and acting strangely odd for the last 8 flippin hours as I pace around all 1000 sq ft of this joint wondering if I should get in my car and track you down like a serial killer or just stay home and self-medicate! Yeah, I’m all good. And, yes, I’m totally handling this separation thing well too...)
"#2, send a pic please!"
Too which I gasp as I stare at the pic...

"I think you need stitches! seriously."
"Boooo! No mama, NO!...stitches hurt."
I go for the jugular..."scars are bad, and scare people away! You may lose your leg! it looks serious."  & I follow up with: "face time me STAT!!!" (Not too cool, but people, I'm over it!)

She finally complies, and we face time...the wound is bad. It’s still bleeding. It’s also like a divot out of her leg...and yes, I'm practically a doctor, seriously. I've watched a few (or every season) episodes of ER, Gray’s Anatomy etc. so I'm totally proficient in medical things. And this is serious. Though evidently, just not serious enough to make verbal human contact with your mom til all the urgent care centers are closed.

#2 is now down to 1 lonely Christmas gift.
I'm sorry, it must be done. We all have consequences.
Do not feel sorry for her. Don't.

We finally get around to the whole, why were you in a tree at 3:00 am question…
"Duh, We can't have boys in our dorm past 2, and We can't go to any parties or we could be blacklisted from getting into a sorority."
Me: (cause evidently I'm an idiot) "Soooooo....someone had the bright idea to climb a tree?? I don't get it?!"
Silence.

Because this can't be understood by a 40-something mom who wasn't there at the time...because...well, just because. Period.
Whatever. I can’t even handle.

She's getting coal in her stocking this year and maybe thorns.

Today,only because the thought of figuring out how to get to classes with blood seeping down her leg was finally unbearable, (and quite frankly disgusting!) she finally made it to the school clinic.
Diagnosis from doctor (as they too are trying to wrap their mind around this story...but hey they are college doc’s so they give up and say):

“Here's what you need to do:
Antibiotic
No stitches ...because she waited TOO LONG!! & they fear they will trap bacteria in the wound and cause infection at this point.
Crutches for 3 weeks.
Tetanus shot. (Which, they may as well have taken her leg by the reaction she called me with. poor clinic doc! I feel for that woman, I do.)
Oh, And one other small thing. We are sending you over to see the orthopedic doc. (Who naturally had no availability on a Monday when tree climbing over the weekend was at an all-time high!)...so go ahead and bypass him and go straight to the ER.  

(What?!)
Yeah, I took this all really calmly...while hangin out in the toilet at my local HEB.
It's hard being cool. But someone has to do it.

I'll wrap this up:
The great news is, ER determined that nothing is broken, and she needs to heal by staying on crutches, keeping pressure off of it, and take antibiotics. They cleaned it well. Wrapped it up and she even got a handicap parking pass for 3 weeks.
She's debating the whole crutches part...too hard, too cumbersome, they hurt my arms..

In the words of your father: "Suck.it.up!"
besides,this is easy, I reply:

Stay out of trees at 3:00 am!! How hard is this, my friends? How hard is this?

Reporting live from the trenches (& the toilet) your fellow comrade in arms,

P
Motherhood is not for sissies...not even when they are in college

 

 

(ironically #2 gave this to me...& now you know why!)

PS: #2, thank you for the 5lb weight loss in the last 36 hours. As a small token of my appreciation, I will consider 1 small gift for you at Christmas.