I love Red Sunglasses...

The greatest thrill of keeping other peoples kids is that you find out all the real stuff, the down and dirty truth, and then you get to live on it for months. or blog about it.

Its a beautiful thing. 

When my friend asked, "hey, would you be able to watch my kids for a week" this seemed like no big thing. Heck, this will be a breeze, its only 2 little girls, 3rd grade (Aka: Lil K ) & 5th grade(aka: Big K). Psshhh....How hard can it be?

This is like a free pass at Mother of the Year, a re-do, lets face it: I'm practically a professional.

So, yesterday, when I picked them up from school, the youngest won my heart when she said,

"Ms. Penny, you are looking really hot for a 41 year old mom!"

Lil K just took 2 years off my life (literally) and escalated to the top of my favorites list. Hot? Who even says that? I asked her what made her say that, and without missing a beat she said,

"I was just thinking we might get an Icee at Bucees if I was sweet. (long pause) But I really do like your red sunglasses!! Red sunglasses make older people, like you, look hot!"

And just like that, she breaks me down. Apparently, I have been reduced to a hot older person, and even that is on the condition that I wear my red sunglasses.

Lessons for all here:

Children: You want to aim high in these moments. I would have gone for far bigger and better things than an Icee. I would also have left off the "older person" thing, it makes us older people consider tripping you on the way in to get your Icee. Life is filled with choices, you don't want to mess this one up.
Mamas: red sunglasses, $12.99, at your local target...they are indestructible and most likely will be out of stock once you realize the "hotness" that will ooze out of you. of course being an older person, people may just think its a hot flash, so there's that.

In another moment of greatness with these girls, I had this deeply moving conversation:

K & K: "Ms. Penny, do you know why we picked you to stay with while our parents are gone?"
Me: "I can't imagine, why?"
Lil K: "Don't be mad, okay?"
(this is NEVER a good statement.)
Me: "Listen up, I can't make that promise. I'm very sensitive."
(us old people are like that ya know)
Big K: "Ok, we wanted to stay with you because you can be kinda cool...
(you're darn right I am)
Lil K: "Yeah, like your RED sunglasses!!" (Buttering me up for the fall...)
Big K: "and cause your kinda a rule breaker mom" (the crushing fall)
Lil K: "but in good ways..."(lessened the pain, but still a fall)
Me: "a rule breaker? I'm not a rule breaker"
Big K: "Yes you are!, but you just break the dumb rules like bed time & too much candy, you know those kind! But we like it!" (And I like you...more and more every second!)
Lil K: "yeah! We do!"

Me: "huh..(I'm totally playing it cool here) so I'm curious how did your parents feel about that?" (Because if I'm going down, I may need some ammo)

Big K: "they tried to tell us maybe we should stay with some other people and friends, but we were like, No! We want to have fun too!" (A girls gotta do what a girls gotta do!)

And BOOM! That my friends is the way you get a weeks worth of pretty much anything you want from me. Let's face it: I'm kinda hot in my red sunglasses, and I'm a "good kind" of rule breaker. So yeah, go ahead -be jealous. Is there any combination you'd rather be as old person? This is such a no brainer.

 

I will admit, I have been a total party animal these past few days. I mean homework/schnomework, it's whateva?! Ain't nobody got time for that, Sheesh!! So, I did what only a hot older mom could do and I agreed to throw caution to the wind and canceled all scheduled activities.  I know, I know, their mama will be so proud of the influence I have had!  But seriously, Piano lessons? Girl Scouts? Praise Team?...who has time for any of that when we have only a week to be rule breakers. 

We are in it to win it. So everyday we hit our checklist:
Swimming after school, check!
Staying up late, check!
Eating sour patch straws and drinking Dr. Pepper - you know it!
People, we have had donuts, EVERY morning, oh yes we did.
We ate on TV trays and watched Annie  no less than 5x's...(I can dance every number and recite all lines on demand).
Yes, we have been to the height of rule breaking. And I feel their mother can only affirm that these were the best possible choices considering the pressure that I had on my shoulders. After all, we slave in this together, right?
 

Lesson for all:

Mamas: TRADE DOWN! Get a child younger than yours, grab your red sunglasses and feel the hotness just pour over you...I'm not even kidding, it's totally working, I didn't even apply night cream tonight! I'm getting my second shot at mothering girls and it's going so awesome. I highly recommend just trading your child for another child.  Why have we never thought of this? You need to be that friend who ruins someone else's child by being a "Red sunglasses wearing, kinda cool, rule breaking, totally hot mama" (I got rid of the "older" part, its just a downer) 

This is your dream come true. You are a winner. Go for the gusto!

Children: I hate to lament on this, but that "older" part has really got to go. It cuts. It cuts deep and it can come back to haunt you. Let's just agree to let that part go. 

And look, you'll want to think long and hard about the words you use to describe this person that you want to stay with. Words like "hot", "cool", are good, "rule breaker"...well that one makes parents nervous and you'll get stuck with Aunt Edna whose mean and doesn't drive or have cable. 

We may or may not have been late to school almost everyday. (we were hungry, and we needed donuts!) We may have forgotten to feed the turtle, (look, I am doing the best I can. But in prep for the worst, I'm loading up a shoebox and shovel and totally ready to give an epic tribute to the turtle on the off chance he starved to death. Prayers appreciated!)

 

Before I go vomit up my sour punch straws up & pass out from exhaustion, let me pass along a lovely gem I was given tonight at an hour after bedtime:

Apparently, it's ok to lay around in your nightie and panties and watch tv, but when you go to get in bed...Girrlll, you need to put your "lounging shorts" on to sleep. (Huh?)

Me: "Why am I putting on lounging shorts? I'm confused."

Lil K: "Don't be confused, it's just what we do...Ok? And seriously,  you need to do that too! It's cool you'd look cool in lounging shorts Ms. Penny!"
Me: "but, I'm already cool you said so earlier!" 
Big K:  "Lil K, stop! It's just too much for her. You're giving her WAY too many things to do!"
(She is the voice of wisdom, even if it cut me just a little)

Peeps, if you need me, I'll be the one looking for my lounging shorts & wearing my big red sunglasses. It's hell looking hot, but someone has to do it.

All for the love of another mother,

~Penny