Motherhood is not for Sissies - Same song/Second verse...aka "dos"

I’m a glutton for punishment! It’s official. If not, then I am definitely easily swayed, and almost always an easy target for kids. I’m beginning to wonder if my area of service may NOT be represented in the list of the gifts of the Holy Spirit…but if it were it would be something like “occasionally taking care of pastor’s kids…because seriously, some of you need a guarantee that you won’t be kicked out of the church!”gift, or maybe it’s listed under discipleship in small print, “one who has the gift of leading pastors kids in the wrong direction, and or luring the nitty, gritty details of their home life out of them”…actually this is a mutual gift –as this is useful for pastor’s and provides great sermon illustrations.
Whatever it is, there is some weird feeling that overtakes me every now and again to say, “We want your kids for a few days!” But the funny part is, we keep picking these pastors’s that have a minimum of 4 kids! What the heck?! Oh well, it’s great birth control. Seriously. It is.
We pick up who we’ll call Los Niño’s (#Uno, #dos,# tres, #quarto for future reference) at 12:30 at church. Of course this is like the only Sunday (in I don’t know how long) that I haven’t been! So here I come in all my glory, (which would be a t-shirt and a pair of running shorts) texting them to be outside on side lot, so as not to run into anyone that my call me out on my absence today! Momma comes around the corner, with los Niño’s running ahead of her, and my heart is blessed. “Aunt Penny, We are so excited to come to your house. We can’t wait to play with you! (What? I never committed to that?) Can you tell us all the things we are going to do once we get there? (uhm, not really, since I have no plan?!) Lord, have mercy on my soul; these children have a lot of words!
Momma quickly passes me car seat, booster seats, bathing suits, bags, and starts walking away. It was more like a weary shuffle, with a little pep in her step. I seriously had to roll down the windows as I backed out because the Niño’s were like, “wait she forgot to say goodbye!!” (Im thinking, hmmm…I don’t think “forgot” is the right word here, but I won’t squelch your dreams just yet!) They waved good-bye furiously and we headed out for our big day….except for the part where #tres hollers out from the way back, “I don’t think I have my seatbelt on!, and I can’t make it click!!” screeching halt, pull in to broke down skating rink parkinglot, and climb over 2 rows a seats to hear the “click” just as I get back there. Ahhhh…just take deep breaths, it’s only 2 days.
We bypass home and head to Willies for lunch, as we pull in momma texts “they’ll eat anything!” { Side note *EVERY MOTHER OUT THERE PLEASE HERE ME ON THIS: Please don’t ever say this to the people keeping your kids!! Your kids eat anything for you, they are afraid of you. Quite frankly, some of your own friends are a lil afraid of you, but your children, they do not eat anything for the fool hearted “Aunt/friend/nutcase/grandparent” when they think they are on a semi-vacation. -end note}….after we placed our order 3 times (I kid you not! it seems everyone else was ordering what everyone else wanted. And then we got to re-order, over, and over…and over!! Good times!), we finally got to our table and I give everyone a quarter (I’m cool like that!) and right off the bat #Uno looses his quarter to machine, to which we are scrounging for a second quarter for him, but I’ve already scrounged just to get the 5 I needed to begin with!? Augh!) Oh yes, we forgot to mention we have added our niece JR to the mix at this point, as she is staying with us for a few days as well! This adds a whole “other” level of fun to the mix. Just sayin’...As we finally get everyone a fake diamond ring, spare teeth and a tattoo, lunch arrives! Yea! And #Cuatro leans in and says to me, “I want to tell you something, but it’s inappropriate, but I really want to tell you!” uhm, she’s 3, and a hot mess to boot!, and all I can think is: what is it about me that a 3 yr.old feels like I would want to hear something inappropriate?( No comment, thanks!) So she leans in to me all serious and says in this tiny sweet voice: “in the movie Shrek 3 they sing, ‘I like big butts and I cannot lie…” she is all singing, hip swinging and attitude! We just crack up, -and mentally put this away for future use as blackmail of course! We encourage her to tell her daddy about this song – ought to go over great on Sunday mornings! Haha!! We finish lunch head to mi casa for swimming…which we do for 4+ hours! Glory! One thing I learned with the “D kids” was water+sun= sleep! I’m in! When they ask for a snack I offer popsicles and water melon, and just for the record these kids ate an ENTIRE watermelon, oh yeah and Red Kool-Aid. To which they said, “Our mommy doesn’t normally give us red Kool-Aid! But this is delicious!”…I strongly encourage they should request it from here on out at home. (Of course we only serve it outside, but I’ll keep that lil known fact to myself!) We finally allow everyone to come in when they are crying and their eyes are so red they can’t keep them open anymore, we serve spaghetti and cantaloupe and bread and salad. I tell you this so you can appreciate that these kids ate roughly a pound and a half of spaghetti, an entire melon, and naturally we served dinner with…SWEET tea! They love us! We are a hit! …But we are tired!
Brandon is confident los ninos will be asleep in no time, but I am having second thoughts on the sweet tea as I hear them dancing around upstairs and the next thing I know #dos and # cuatro are prancing through my house in Taylor and Cheryl’s high heels! (I don’t know what it is going on at their home, but these girls can work a pair of high heels better than any of us at our house. We were dying laughing that #dos could run in heels and we can barely walk in them on a good day. Crazy! Momma must be good with those heels! (geeze Wen, didn’t know you had it in ya!) Apparently bed is not on the horizon, as we so hoped, (sweet tea? Kool-aid?)So we do what any normal person would do and load up and head out for ice cream. Its 9:00 and we are not having great success, until we find good ole’ Baskin Robbins! We get everyone their scoop and begin to listen to them tell us all kinds on great things…like for instance:
#uno informs us PROUDLY that the best meal his momma makes him is Ramen noodles and crackers!
#dos replies, “Well I think she makes great waffles!” I can’t help but ask the burning question…”so are they the kinds that pop up from the toaster?”
“Yes! They are, how did you know?”
“Just a lucky guess!” (My husband tells me to stop at this point, but I am oh so tempted to inquire further…. No need, they sink the ship on their own!
#tres pipes up, “please don’t tell my mom, but my dad is a real good cook. He makes pancakes!”
Evidently breakfast is for dinner around their casa!! I love these ninos. There are no words. Ok, well there are a few more words. Like for instance, I love the fact that these kids are sharing every morsel of their home life. I love that they tell us things like, “when we know we are going to go swimming again the next day, we don’t always have to take a bath!” People!! Bathing is for everyday…even swimming days. Haha! In all fairness, I guess when you have a herd of children, something must go. And evidently with pastor’s baths is it! They also tell us that sometimes they are scared of monsters. I’m like where did you hear about monsters? They all chime in, “ Well one time when the power went out our daddy told us a ghost story about the Legend of Sleepy Hollow!“ nice Pablo!
They beg us to stay up and watch a movie (which I keep calling Percy Sledge, but it’s something like, “Percy…Olympian…” I don’t know), but we find it on VOD and order it and they are in hog heaven. I do hope it’s appropriate, but I can’t worry about such things, after all I have a 3 yr old PK kid singing, “ I like big butts and I cannot lie…” what could be better (or worse) than that?
I can’t WAIT for tomorrow!! I swear if I didn’t have to do something on Tuesday afternoon I would keep these kids at least 2 more days. The temptation is killing me….Pastor’s Kids are the BEST!! Not to mention my membership is a lock at church after this summer! Whew!

Sometimes I Laugh out Loud when I'm alone!

Sometimes I wake up and life’s just funny. This normally happens to me around like 10:00 a.m…I don’t generally “wake up” laughing, in fact, can’t think of one single time! But today, as I was mulling through my morning, sipping my coffee trying to wake up, I got just punchy laughing! Here’s the catch: I was home alone. So I’m either starting to go seriously crazy, or just…well…crazy.
Here’s what got me going: During a weak, very weak (!), moment back in May, I got a call from an acquaintance/friend that asked me if I wanted to co-chair the fundraising committee for the after prom party for Taylor’s class. I was keeping 4 kids (see old posts or facebook notes) and I was like, “uhm, could I call you back on this?” she’s was walking into the meeting where they would have to vote (like that night!!) and needed me to make a decision right then on the phone. {PAUSE – side note (I know NOTHING about fundraising. NOTHING! I’m not organized at all…as a matter of principal I seek out highly structured organized friends! And very importantly…I don’t like long commitments. Between marriage (17+ years) and kids I feel like I’ve made all the long term commitments that any sanguine should!) ok, back to the story…} so, I say, “sure, why not! How hard can it be?” (Because what rolls through my brain in the 3 second interval is is a conversation I had with #1 a few days prior where she told me she wished I was more involved up at her school etc.(GUILT!) and she was glad this year I would be doing MORE for her! ‘Cause you know my WHOLE FREAKIN’ LIFE has been about this kid!! Geesh…this motherhood thing is rough!!) Anyways, FGP (Fundraising Gal Pal, as she will be referred to from here forward) mumbles a, “thanks, talk to you soon…” and hangs up. The next day, before I wake up I have an email from her saying “congratulations you and I are now officially the co-chairs of the fundraising committee! Let’s get together this next week to plan and discuss what we’ll need to be doing!” (pay attention, this is where the email raises the red flag), “I don’t SLEEP a lot, so I will be sending you emails frequently to keep you up to date and informed of all communication. Just respond back to them when you can.”
Look, I’m no slacker, but when someone prefaces an email about a year long commitment (that I’ve just made in a moment of weakness) with “I don’t sleep a lot...” I get nervous! Good grief, take a Tylenol p.m. and rest for goodness sakes! But, boy howdy…I had no idea what was coming…
I look at my email in-box and I have 4 more emails from her. YIKES! But it gets better…As of today (7/16) I have officially been on this “job” for just over 2 months. I keep all correspondence from her in a special folder and I have…get ready…313 emails!! Yesterday we had a meeting of the entire board (5 other weak fools!) till almost 11 p.m.-and when I got up this morning at 7:40, I had 16 emails from my FGP waiting to be replied to, “…when I can…” Of course. When I Can. You betcha! I’m thinking, “I CAN in 2015 when both my girls will hopefully be in college, but wait, I’ll be too busy working to pay for that college…so make that 2018…but wait, I could be planning a wedding, or (scary thought) taking care of a grandchild…(ok, that’s so weird to even write!)…ill get back to you, …”when I can…”
Sometimes when I read her emails (like today) I just chuckle because she thinks I’m going to do all this stuff! The part that got me really laughing out loud, was the email that said (direct quote), “Since you’re so organized I’m going to let you keep the binders (plural!!There are FOUR 2” binders!!) And keep all the paperwork, communications etc.” I just busted out laughing at my kitchen table! I was looking at the laundry piled up on my couch, dishes to be loaded, bed to be made, and a suitcase of stinky volleyball clothes from 2 days ago that I haven’t opened up yet. Yeah…I’ll get right on that binder organizing thing! Lady, you have lost your mind, and clearly do not know me!!
Ahhh…the things we do for our kids! I am mighty, I am strong…I can do this!
Motherhood…is NOT for sissies!