That time it rained and stuff happened so I just ate and drank a lil...

So yeah, we left New Braunfels Sunday night and I was upset about my #2 driving back to Waco, because the radar was all kids of red and screaming, "mommas don't let your babies drive back to college..." (I swear it happened like that)

And finally #2 said "I'm home safe" and I said, "ok, that's good. But, the weather guy says the Brazos River could come out of its banks, so be on alert!"
to which I got no response.
I sent texts conceding all kinds of things in hopes of a response, and in order for her to be safe and alert- and I got nothing back. Zero.im like, Who raised this child?
sigh.
So I finally got home and it started raining...and because I'm a mom and I fret every now and then, I woke up every hour and checked my texts (because surely she will respond? no? yeah, that's right you heard me, -NO!)and I continued to check the weather in Waco and still...

No response. N-O-T-H-I-N-G.

I woke up every hour looking for updates only because I'm worried that 21 years of hard work is not going down the Brazos river. We are way too close to the finish line, & I just ordered her class ring, which was not cheap!

At some point, my man says..."Listen, she's at least 3 miles or more from the river, she is safe! Stop.The.Drama."

-and I so quit speaking to him.
and while he lays in bed and sleeps and looks like this:

 

I was like, yep, this is crap! And I got up and went to get donuts.
Because donuts are my go-to food for emotional stability when its too early for cupcakes or wine, And I was clearly in need of a little leveling off.
 

But as luck would have it, a half mile down the road, I almost stalled in high water, and with my anxiety at an all time high (and also because I was still in my pajamas) I made the critical choice to turn back towards the house. (in my head, all I could hear was, "turn around, don't drown" but I was like, "but I'm needy...")
 

I'm not gonna lie, I was kinda was upset...until our AWESOME neighbor/friend, (not gonna mention any names, Chris) said he was going to Whataburger.
& I believed him...
and I gave him my order in detail... and then waited...and waited...and nearly passed out from the hunger until he NEVER showed up.
No letter, no call, no text, no taco.

HE'S.DEAD.TO.ME
 

(This reminds me of those letters I used to read in my moms  Ladies Home Journal magazine that were called, "Can this marriage survive?" except this would be, "Can this Friendship Survive?" and Chris, in case you are wondering, the answer is its not looking good - just saying!)
 

I watched the weather & decided that I could surely make it to the store. and the water had receded enough that I made it there and back no major problems! And then my #2 finally texted to say, "sorry mom, I just woke up and saw your texts" (no problem, your dad and I may divorce over this, and hey its all good, I'm eating my way to bathing suit season. Seriously, were good, You enjoy the college life.) just kill.me.
But yes, evidently, we were all gonna survive after all and I was feeling like life is good, things are clearing up, etc.

...which was closely followed up with a mutual, "you people in my house are getting on my last nerve." This was all entirely non verbal communication and yet it was clearly understood and we each went to our separate areas...except I fell asleep...until this morning.

And here's the kicker...MY man of almost 24 years,  didn't wake me up during the epic event happening around us.
EPIC things were happening in our hood that involved WEATHER. this is totally MY AREA. He doesn't even remotely get into weather, and here he was just "letting you sleep because you were tired.."
I call B.S. on this! Who does this to the one they love? WHO? I had friends in other countries messaging me,! Why? Because even they know this about me!
I have no words for this type of betrayal, but it will not be quickly forgotten.
 

When I woke up my phone was blowing up and I was like what is up? So, I called my home girl, T, and was like, "what is going on?", and she's like, "Girl, I told him I thought he should wake you up..."

And then she filled me in that all our peeps and hoods are flooded in, and worse that kids are swimming in poo poo water in the streets like no big deal etc. 

I'm like, "No!"

She's like, "Yes!"

(That's a whole 'nother blog...and well, I cant even go there right now)
 

So I spent today catching up and venturing out to see for myself, because when they make a public service announcement to stay off the roads, I can't get to my truck fast enough!!..(this is where my rebellion clearly comes out. I don't know why, I really don't but I've accepted this and you should accept it as well. l'm super obedient and compliant, until it feels like I'm being bossed or something, and then its like I'm smack dab in that whole "middle child" role of my childhood.)

Here's the painful truth of our outing, although our area has actually improved quite a bit, but the damage is quite overwhelming and sad. Several of our friends are out of their homes and still taking on water at noon today, and we can't get to them to help. It's really heartbreaking to see all the water in this area as we have lived our entire lifetime & have never seen any type of extensive flooding around here. Definitely nothing like this!

This afternoon the sun came out, I couldn't lay out and tan or anything, because it seemed so morose in light of so many suffering and losing their homes and honestly I'm also in no rush to slip on a bathing suit these days, so I made a lasagna (because what looks better in a bathing suit than a lil more lasagna around the middle? right?), I also posted a few pics on fb, and looked for my cute rain boots- (because they would surely come in handy about now, and draw attention away from the emotional baggage I'm currently wearing in my mid section).
 

So I  just checked out for a quick moment to take a shower and when I got out I saw this crazy thing happening in my street...

 

this happened in 10 minutes. 

It was dry in my cul de sac moments before. 

So, yeah, you betcha, I have flipped "full on" into weather watcher mode and sadly I realize,- rain is coming, yet again. (boo!)
I have learned some hard lessons in the past 2 days, so with these in mind, I have doubled up on caffeine and No Doze for the night. (I did drink a small glass (or 3) of wine, but am hopeful that my adrenaline has counteracted the sleepy effects of that) & I've got clean hair and make up just in case we make the news. People, you can rest assured,  I will definitely be on alert ( apparently I can not count on my man to wake me in the event of anything good or bad happening.) and clearly there will be no breakfast tacos from Whataburger if you count on my AWESOME friend, but I am the forgiving type and more importantly I am a woman of my word and back on my game!

So, friends, please do get your kids out of the poo poo water, and be of good cheer! I'm totally on it tonight- & you know I got you covered!

failing forward ~
P

p.s.This is like the best cake to eat in a crisis (my sis made this tonight and I practically cried it was so good!), it totally eased the anxiety and increased the joy:)

http://www.pauladeen.com/original-gooey-butter-cake

   

Ain't nobody looking at you

This past weekend my girls came home to celebrate my birthday, to celebrate my #1’s birthday.  You see, my #1's done this thing since she was born that I lovingly refer to as “high jacking my day”. It’s just crap. But I can’t totally take her down about this since I am partially responsible for when she was born and all that riff raff.  It used to get dicey around here during  birthday week, but being the mature mom, I let go and gave her a full 2 days, and I then I get a week. I'm always fair like that.   

As we were getting ready to go out and celebrate our birthdays I turned to her and said, “does this look okay?” and she replied with the most deadly statement ever:

“Yeah mom, you look fine. Wear whatever you want.” 
(Which is basically equivalent to: Ain't nobody looking at you.)

& then she turned to me with her hair held up and said, “up or down?”

(Uhmmm, hi I'm sorry, did you just blow me off and then ask me about your hair? yeah? okay, great, I just want to get that part straight.)

After my inner breakdown conversation, I did what any awesome mom would do, and picked the look I least liked, knowing that she would go with the other look…which is the one I actually liked the best. 

Why, you ask? Why must we play this game?

Because she is the daughter and I am her mother. And because this is what daughters do. They pick opposite. EVERY.SINGLE.TIME. Age 2, 12 or 24, it doesn't even matter! It just is. I didn't create it, I don't love it, but I've got mad skills in this area. So, let's not judge okay? 

For some reason, this brief interchange has resonated with me all weekend. It was only further compounded when after my girls left the next day, my 2 year old nephew sang happy birthday to me but said my #1’s name! (Because yes, even when she's not here, She's high jacking my moment!) 

When I said, ”What? no, it’s my birthday!” he sang it all over again and ended with…”Happy birthday to…Jesus.”

Because yes, it’s true, people confuse Jesus and me all the time.

So here’s the truth: at 44ish –ain’t nobody looking at you.
But at this point in life, I'm totally okay with it. People, I've learned to roll with it and I'm here to help you prepare: 

#1, there’s a high probability that your gray is poking out the top of your head.

Because gray doesn’t lie down and obey. Gray is out of control and a free spirit among hairs. Gray just rebelliously stands alone doing its own thing. I swear that regardless of how intimate you have become with Garnier Medium Brown Nutrisse Shade 50, gray is still large and in charge. Hair dye be damned. You have failed.

#2, there is a high probability that you may sneeze, which means you may have also just wet your pants a little.

 I will not admit if this has/has not ever happened, but I've heard about it, okay?
 I mean, can we just all agree that you'd  feel a little cheated that at 44ish you have digressed to a 3 year old in the area of bladder control? I'm not bragging, but I’m rocking this whole grown up (and possibly grown “out”) thing in every other way.
So, why this Lord? It’s just so many kinds of wrong. Every time I hear, “...you give and take away…” I think, so maybe give back bladder control & take away belly fat! Yes. That seems legit. (& I’m so sorry if I just ruined that song for you:/)

#3, you may spend most nights prepping for bed by reading up on body temperature on WebMD 

Are ridiculously cold feet and simultaneous head sweats possible signs of a terminal disease or just middle age? All I'm going to say here is that I feel that it’s totally within reason to ask for my body to regulate temperature from head to toe. This is not asking a lot. I can go hot or cold, lets just be consistent. Is this so hard? I regularly say deeply romantic things to my man like, "if you love me you'll let me put my cold feet on you." Whaaaat?  Is this the regular night time ritual my marriage has been reduced to?  Yes. Yes it is. I currently have this re-occurring dream where I'm shaving all my hair off and I look down and I'm wearing 4 pairs of socks?  It’s all just too much to contemplate.

So yeah, nobody's really looking at you at this age, and its okay. Embrace the change. I mean look at me, I've grown up and matured so much that I can't feel my feet, I wet my pants at the onset of a cold, and I'm fighting the rebel grays daily. Its awesome.

But lets just all take a moment and focus on the fact that I’ve got a 2 year old calling me Jesus.

BOOM!

Failing Forward,

Pen