So Fit & Fluff!

As with so many things in our lives, my man and me are always on the same page.

Over the summer, he had an epiphany that he wanted to get in better shape, (because my gosh, he was such a gluttonous pig before) and put more effort into strength training. 

I applauded this ridiculous idea and said, "well of course, you should totally do this.." because I am a good and sweet wife and always a supporter of the most.ridiculous.idea.ever.

He then followed up this strength training craziness with the idea that he would also run a few more races this year, cause he'd been such a slacker and not really run as much as he should last year. Uhmm, yeah. I've been meaning to talk to you about that. Can we get the intervention team together?

I'm like, fine babe, whatever. Run. Strength train. Do it all. But can you pass me a brownie or something?

Similar to me, my man is crazy disciplined. (Stop with the heckling! That's rude.) He doesn't ever agree to anything without serious thought and contemplation. There are no casual "yes's" to anything and he rarely gives an on the spot answer. 

We are so similar.

{**I cannot tell you the times early in our marriage that I would commit us to something only to have him say, "negative ghost rider, YOU just committed, I did not." These are always great moments in marriage, are they not?}

So why did I discount this conversation after 23 years of marriage? Why did I think he's just talking out his butt? Why people? Why??

I have no idea.

Except that I was probably hangry, and he kept talking to me.

Sigh...life.is.hard.

So here I am, preparing for the rainfalll that will surely border the great flood of Noah, and in tandem, my man is preparing for a 1/2 marathon on Sunday. Which is like 2 sleeps away, but people; we are in total "GO" mode.

Me, busy stocking up on necessities like queso & chips...

Him, plotting the course and creating a timeline of the next 41 hours. (No, Not 48 hours, we keep things exact around here!)

Every second counts here people, there may be a national weather event happening across our region, but my man made a commitment, and by golly -he's going to fulfill it. 

Just kill me.

So for your reading enjoyment, here's a piece of our conversation as of late:

Him: "It's been good practice to run in the rain, you never know what the weather will be like on race day."

Me: "Totally my thoughts."

Him: "Are you coming?"

Me: "And miss the opportunity to sleep in, or better yet be stranded in high water with snakes AND strangers? Of course I'm coming!"

Him: "They changed the course, have you figured out where you'll be yet?"

Me: "No. (Because it's 2 sleeps away, you freak of nature!) Do you want to eat Mexican food?"

Him: "Babe, I really need to eat pasta and carb load" (You awful, forgetful woman!!)

Me: "Of course, what was I thinking, I need to carb load too." (Totally the thought I had when I caught my reflection in the mirror as I got into the shower..."Penny, you need more carbs!")

Him: "I'm going to try and be asleep by 10, so I'll probably be in bed by 9 or so..."

People, I have 2 words: party.animal.

I know you are all jealous of my life. Who knew when I married this mullet man that he would lay down the party animal lifestyle for something as glorious as running & training & sleeping and eating schedules? 

Not me.

But I picked him, or he picked me, or we were having a baby, or something like that & so here we are...fit and fluff.(I shortened it, the "y" added extra weight I didn't need.)

He's fit.

I'm fluff.

And together we are always on the same page and equally committed to great causes.

Eat your heart out...(but share a little with me okay?)

-P

a Psychic moment

Today has started a little more amazing than yesterday.which is pretty tough to beat since yesterday my maid was here. So, imagine my surprise when I opened my gmail to find this message awaiting me:

 ..."a psychic has been scheduled for you at 8:17...

Then there is this galaxy solar system type picture, followed by this statement: 

"Chris is the most awarded psychic by his peers" &  

"At some point we all need advice, guidance or assistance..."

People, I've never contacted a physicist, I mean psychic  in my life. (why does this keep auto correcting? and why couldn't Mr. Word Speller Guy have used the letter F instead of a PH? whatever.) But anyhoo...you can only imagine that I'm totally freaked out when my phone rings.
me: "Chris?" Silence.
me: "Hello?" Nothing.

Because, apparently Chris has seen my future and hung up on me.

And that's fine, because I know that Chris is not a psychic based on a few facts...(& yes people,  I've actually given this a moment or two of my time today.):

 #1: On any given day at 8:17 am I'm about as likely to be consulting with the dead as I am running a marathon.
So this is your first strike Chris, & seriously, let's get some things straight, you're sure not trying to hard to help me if we are starting at 8:17 in the morning. Come on!!! I don't even speak to the people who are alive in my own home, I'm sure as heck not chatting it up with dead people or random strangers.

 #2: exactly what kind of people is Chris hanging with, like who are these peers? I've had some pretty stellar moments among close friends and I'm not wearing any blue ribbons or medals.
So Chhhhriiisss (who communes with the dead and can tell my future...) Have you ever kept 4 children, all under the age of 12, who bemoan bathing and were involved in every.single.extra.curricular.activity there parents could get them in?...No? Okay, Well did you raise girls, and by girls I mean intensely hormonal teenagers, the kind that make you curl up in the fetal position or just completely flip out and loose your mind? No? Okay, well, here's an easy one for you Chris. have you made a homecoming mum, & years later your finger tips are still tender to touch because of all your glue gun burns? No...?
Then stop talking Chris, your awards are worthless to me and mine. Real moms don't need awards, we live with battle wounds, dark circles under our eyes & need I mention the fine lines that are settling further into our faces every.single.day.
Boom! Just STOP with your fancy peer awards already.

#3 Chris is correct, we all need advice, guidance and assistance, but he's a little late to this party. I spent 18 YEARS searching for a book on mothering girls and you know what I found? NOTHING! Not a darn thing. As a matter of fact after the first 14 years, I am pretty sure my #1 & #2 would tell you I became an amazing psychic because I could sniff out a bad story before they even walked in the door. (Friends, I'll gladly accept any and all awards for this!)

 So let's just end with this...there's clearly been an error among the cosmos because if you know me at all, you know that my idea of "psychic talk" is telling me that Target is having a sale tomorrow. (If you have this gift, run to your phone and contact me immediately)!
Seriously, that's some guidance I can live with and use!

& Chris, basically what I'm saying here is, You don't have a chance fortune telling to this kind of crazy. So, walk away brother, just walk away.

For my real friends, and all of the psychotic, I mean psychic mothers I run with, & by run, I mean hang out and crawl to the next cupcake, feel free to bring some sage advice on being mother of the year, its getting much more difficult to nab this award now that they've gone to college! 

 Until then, let's just keep it real~

23 is the code

"I just don't get it, why do we need a code?"
Lil K: "In case someone tries to steal us, you know, like a stranger!"
Me: "Why is your code 23? why not cupcake, 23 is so lame! Or how about just yelling 'HEY A STRANGER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME!'"
Big K: "Because its 23!" (she is clearly exasperated with me) "We cant change it, we already decided, Ms. Penny - its 23!"
Me: "Fine. but if a stranger tries to take me I'm yelling CUPCAKE! and you better bring a cupcake when you save me! Deal?"
Big & Lil K: "ok! deal"

We've had a lot of conversations like this. They create a code or a "thing" and I don't get it. We go round and round, and then I finally relent and they laugh. I stay neutral, no laughing. Because I'm the adult, and also because I don't know why they are laughing. I've done this all week and I still don't get it.

People, you want to know what is flippin' hard? Going backwards. I'm currently parenting 21 and 22 year old girls, so backing up over a decade is like insanity.

Let me tell you what else is hard and insane: getting everyone to school on time!
Oh my, its been a heck of a week!  Can we all agree that school should start later?

They have also told me that being on time is VERY important to their mama, and that they can see I'm a more "go with the flow" type.

Me: "Well, what type is your mama?"

"She's more like a "stick to the plan type."

"Which do you like better? Because we can start going to bed at 7:30 and getting up at 6:00, eat oatmeal at home & skip the donuts if you would like, but it's totally your call." 

You'll be surprised to know they like going with the flow.

Well that's shocking! 

& it is because of our mission to try as many donut places between here & the school as possible, that we are also currently on a first name basis with the "sign-in-you-are-late" secretary at the school. (Which neither child has ever met before this week. I told them this was why God had us together, and I'm doing my part to make them into more of a people person, their mama is going to be so proud!) 

Because of the occasional tardiness, we have tried a few things to get past the front desk:
We have tried "acting" -
"Everyone act sad or Ms. Penny goes to jail." It was a little dramatic, but I was able to convince them that it was no different than Annie, we are just acting, and its entirely plausible they could take me to jail if we are late. I kicked it up a notch by adding: "So make sure your face reflects that sadness when we walk in and see the secretary."
This was a total win until the secretary asked Lil K if she wanted her to throw away her bag of donuts.
(That kid has got to work on her skills! I'm only one person, I cant do everything! Lose the prop kid!)

Then there was the day we decided to try and just "sneak in"-
Ok, we were like partially on time, because we were in the parking lot when the bell rang. And as with everything this week we discussed it at length and agreed that if you can hear the bell ring it should not count as being late. Seriously, it's almost the same thing.
Sadly, the teacher that stopped us in the hallway did not share our same theory. (every party has a pooper...)Therefore this day also did not go as planned, and we were told that we had to go through the front door. All I'm gonna say about this is that the walk through the front office is a hostile environment and a painful walk of shame. Those people need a cookie or something.

After much conversation, we agreed that we have made 2 out of 4 days, and that is half...and half is good. We also agreed that we don't want to be "over achievers" in everything we do, cause that would make the other people feel bad about themselves.
So we are taking one for the team. We have taken on the burden of being "average" at being on time. Because as with everything, we are thinking of others, and being selfless. Amen.

I have been a little concerned about a few choices we have made, but overall I feel pretty good. I always tried to work a little lesson into our times together and I think that kinda covers for the rough spots. Sometimes the lesson may have been a stretch, (that whole jail thing was iffy) but that's not the point. That said, I do want it on record that I took a stand and refused to participate in letting them do a  KOOL-AID dye on their hair. Apparently its all the rage among lil people.  I did not think their mama would remain my friend if she arrived to find both her girls hair was colored by boiling Kool Aid with names like "tropical punch" and "tutty fruity."  I tried to think up a good lesson so I could pull this "not happening" off while maintains my hotness, but I couldn't think of 1 good way to spin the hair dye thing.  I finally ended the begging and nagging by saying, "if we do this, your mom will put me in jail. I will not survive in jail, and honestly your mom will probably go crazy and not be okay...and you will never be allowed to see me again...again, it's your choice." 

I feel good about this. Friendship is definitely more important than Kool Aid hair dye. 

So, thank you very much, once again - I have nailed it.
Now, could someone please had me a cupcake?

All for the love of another mother,
Penny

I love Red Sunglasses...

The greatest thrill of keeping other peoples kids is that you find out all the real stuff, the down and dirty truth, and then you get to live on it for months. or blog about it.

Its a beautiful thing. 

When my friend asked, "hey, would you be able to watch my kids for a week" this seemed like no big thing. Heck, this will be a breeze, its only 2 little girls, 3rd grade (Aka: Lil K ) & 5th grade(aka: Big K). Psshhh....How hard can it be?

This is like a free pass at Mother of the Year, a re-do, lets face it: I'm practically a professional.

So, yesterday, when I picked them up from school, the youngest won my heart when she said,

"Ms. Penny, you are looking really hot for a 41 year old mom!"

Lil K just took 2 years off my life (literally) and escalated to the top of my favorites list. Hot? Who even says that? I asked her what made her say that, and without missing a beat she said,

"I was just thinking we might get an Icee at Bucees if I was sweet. (long pause) But I really do like your red sunglasses!! Red sunglasses make older people, like you, look hot!"

And just like that, she breaks me down. Apparently, I have been reduced to a hot older person, and even that is on the condition that I wear my red sunglasses.

Lessons for all here:

Children: You want to aim high in these moments. I would have gone for far bigger and better things than an Icee. I would also have left off the "older person" thing, it makes us older people consider tripping you on the way in to get your Icee. Life is filled with choices, you don't want to mess this one up.
Mamas: red sunglasses, $12.99, at your local target...they are indestructible and most likely will be out of stock once you realize the "hotness" that will ooze out of you. of course being an older person, people may just think its a hot flash, so there's that.

In another moment of greatness with these girls, I had this deeply moving conversation:

K & K: "Ms. Penny, do you know why we picked you to stay with while our parents are gone?"
Me: "I can't imagine, why?"
Lil K: "Don't be mad, okay?"
(this is NEVER a good statement.)
Me: "Listen up, I can't make that promise. I'm very sensitive."
(us old people are like that ya know)
Big K: "Ok, we wanted to stay with you because you can be kinda cool...
(you're darn right I am)
Lil K: "Yeah, like your RED sunglasses!!" (Buttering me up for the fall...)
Big K: "and cause your kinda a rule breaker mom" (the crushing fall)
Lil K: "but in good ways..."(lessened the pain, but still a fall)
Me: "a rule breaker? I'm not a rule breaker"
Big K: "Yes you are!, but you just break the dumb rules like bed time & too much candy, you know those kind! But we like it!" (And I like you...more and more every second!)
Lil K: "yeah! We do!"

Me: "huh..(I'm totally playing it cool here) so I'm curious how did your parents feel about that?" (Because if I'm going down, I may need some ammo)

Big K: "they tried to tell us maybe we should stay with some other people and friends, but we were like, No! We want to have fun too!" (A girls gotta do what a girls gotta do!)

And BOOM! That my friends is the way you get a weeks worth of pretty much anything you want from me. Let's face it: I'm kinda hot in my red sunglasses, and I'm a "good kind" of rule breaker. So yeah, go ahead -be jealous. Is there any combination you'd rather be as old person? This is such a no brainer.

 

I will admit, I have been a total party animal these past few days. I mean homework/schnomework, it's whateva?! Ain't nobody got time for that, Sheesh!! So, I did what only a hot older mom could do and I agreed to throw caution to the wind and canceled all scheduled activities.  I know, I know, their mama will be so proud of the influence I have had!  But seriously, Piano lessons? Girl Scouts? Praise Team?...who has time for any of that when we have only a week to be rule breakers. 

We are in it to win it. So everyday we hit our checklist:
Swimming after school, check!
Staying up late, check!
Eating sour patch straws and drinking Dr. Pepper - you know it!
People, we have had donuts, EVERY morning, oh yes we did.
We ate on TV trays and watched Annie  no less than 5x's...(I can dance every number and recite all lines on demand).
Yes, we have been to the height of rule breaking. And I feel their mother can only affirm that these were the best possible choices considering the pressure that I had on my shoulders. After all, we slave in this together, right?
 

Lesson for all:

Mamas: TRADE DOWN! Get a child younger than yours, grab your red sunglasses and feel the hotness just pour over you...I'm not even kidding, it's totally working, I didn't even apply night cream tonight! I'm getting my second shot at mothering girls and it's going so awesome. I highly recommend just trading your child for another child.  Why have we never thought of this? You need to be that friend who ruins someone else's child by being a "Red sunglasses wearing, kinda cool, rule breaking, totally hot mama" (I got rid of the "older" part, its just a downer) 

This is your dream come true. You are a winner. Go for the gusto!

Children: I hate to lament on this, but that "older" part has really got to go. It cuts. It cuts deep and it can come back to haunt you. Let's just agree to let that part go. 

And look, you'll want to think long and hard about the words you use to describe this person that you want to stay with. Words like "hot", "cool", are good, "rule breaker"...well that one makes parents nervous and you'll get stuck with Aunt Edna whose mean and doesn't drive or have cable. 

We may or may not have been late to school almost everyday. (we were hungry, and we needed donuts!) We may have forgotten to feed the turtle, (look, I am doing the best I can. But in prep for the worst, I'm loading up a shoebox and shovel and totally ready to give an epic tribute to the turtle on the off chance he starved to death. Prayers appreciated!)

 

Before I go vomit up my sour punch straws up & pass out from exhaustion, let me pass along a lovely gem I was given tonight at an hour after bedtime:

Apparently, it's ok to lay around in your nightie and panties and watch tv, but when you go to get in bed...Girrlll, you need to put your "lounging shorts" on to sleep. (Huh?)

Me: "Why am I putting on lounging shorts? I'm confused."

Lil K: "Don't be confused, it's just what we do...Ok? And seriously,  you need to do that too! It's cool you'd look cool in lounging shorts Ms. Penny!"
Me: "but, I'm already cool you said so earlier!" 
Big K:  "Lil K, stop! It's just too much for her. You're giving her WAY too many things to do!"
(She is the voice of wisdom, even if it cut me just a little)

Peeps, if you need me, I'll be the one looking for my lounging shorts & wearing my big red sunglasses. It's hell looking hot, but someone has to do it.

All for the love of another mother,

~Penny